Grief is a natural emotional response to a loss. While often grief is associated with losing a loved one, it can also happen with other forms of loss like divorce, moving away from home, etc.

Losing something you love is painful – you may feel angry, shocked, guilty and sad. Sometimes, grief can interfere with our physical health too making it difficult to eat, sleep or even think rationally. While this too is normal, there are ways to cope with grief.

What You Need to Know 

There is no set rule about what to grieve for. Even if others believe that the loss you sustained is not proportional to the grief you feel, do not feel ashamed. The loss was personal to you and only you know what you feel and are going through.

The loss could take many forms:

• Loss of a loved family member or a close friend
• Loss of a pet
• End of a relationship – marriage, friendship, etc.
• Losing home – selling it, moving away, etc.
• Losing a job and the financial independence it gave
• Loss of health
• Loss of fertility

All you need to remember is that you can handle the grief in a healthy way, and with the passage of time you will come to terms with it and eventually accept it and be at peace with it.

Often, society has some preset notions about grieving. Let us take a look at some of the most common preconceived notions and set them right.

Myth: Distract yourself from the pain and it will go away.

Not allowing yourself to grieve will only make it difficult for you in the future. Trying to ignore or bury the pain is not healthy – face it and eventually you will heal.

Myth: Put up a strong front while handling loss.

There is no need for any form of pretense – allow yourself to feel what you feel. You might feel scared, alone and sad – it is okay. If you feel like crying, then cry. It does not make you weak. You don’t have to hide your negative emotions thinking that it will protect your family. In fact, showing your feelings will help you and others too.

Myth: If you do not cry, it means that you are not sorry.

Just like how crying is fine, not crying is also fine – it does not mean you don’t feel the loss. Crying is not the only way to grieve over a loss. People have different ways of showing their sadness.

Myth: One year is the time period for grieving.

There is no set time period. If you grieve for more (or less) than a year it does not mean that it is wrong.

Myth: Moving on with life means forgetting what we have lost.

Moving on only means that you have come to terms with the loss. It does not mean you have forgotten and there is no need to feel guilty about moving on. You can move on with life while keeping the memories alive in you.

Also Read: Understanding Ageism

How a Person Grieves 

As already stated, there is no fixed way to grieve. The grieving process varies from person to person. It depends on the person, his path in life, his faith and the magnitude of the loss sustained.

A person can grieve for weeks, months or even years. It is a slow process for many so do remember to be patient with yourself.

The Stages of Grief 

The 5 stages of grief were put forward by a psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in 1969.

• Denial: Refusing to accept the loss.
• Anger: Anger directed at yourself, some other person or even God for having taken away a loved one.
• Bargaining: You may imagine making a bargain for not having to undergo the loss. Or you could go through previous actions that could have been done to stop the loss.
• Depression: You may feel extremely sad and incapable of doing anything.
• Acceptance: You accept what has happened and move on. With time, most people do accept even if the pain of the loss persists.

However, do remember that a grieving person does not have to go through all these stages and even if he/she does go through them, there is no fixed order. As already mentioned, grieving differs from person to person.

Coping with Grief 

Grieving is one of the most difficult periods in life, yet, like everything else it too passes. But how do you handle it till it passes? The following tips might help.

• Prioritize your well-being. Look after yourself physically, eat healthy meals on time, exercise and get enough sleep. Your physical well-being is very important for mental well-being. Do not feel bad about making yourself a priority.
• Grief can often make it difficult to go about our daily life so try and stick to a routine. This will help you regain a sense of control and can help you handle your emotions.
• Do not bury yourself in work so that you don’t have to deal with the grief. Instead, find ways to express it. Whatever helps you works – be it journalling, talking about what you lost or even listening to songs that bring back memories.
• Stay in touch with friends and family. This will remind of all the other good things you still have in your life.
• Do remember that if you feel the grief is too much to handle, there is always professional help available. Don’t hesitate to reach out.

Also Read: Dealing with a Toxic Co-Worker

Helping a Person Who Is Coping with Grief 

• Be available for the person who is grieving. None of us are experts on what to say to a grieving person – it is okay, your presence itself can be soothing.
• Offer help and let him/her know that you are around if needed. However, asking for help is never comfortable so pay attention to what is needed of you.
• You might not know whether to talk about the loss or not. Let the person know that you are available to talk and if they open up to you, listen more and talk less.
• Do not in any way imply that their loss was not significant or they are grieving too long. Allow them to feel what they are feeling – it is an essential part of facing and accepting grief.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. What are common myths about grief?

Grieving myths include ideas like “ignoring pain helps,” “not crying means you don’t care,” or “you need to move on quickly.” These aren’t true; grief varies widely and doesn’t follow strict rules.

2. What are the stages of grief?

The stages of grief, according to Kubler-Ross, include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These may not occur in a set order and can vary for each person.

3. How can I cope with grief in a healthy way?

Coping healthily involves prioritizing self-care, maintaining routines, expressing your feelings (through talking or journaling), and staying connected to loved ones. Seeking professional help can also be beneficial.

4. How can I support someone who is grieving?

Be present, offer your support, listen without judgment, and avoid minimizing their loss. Let them share when they’re ready and be there for them without pressure.

5. Is it normal for grief to last more than a year?

Yes, grief has no time limit. Some people grieve for longer periods, and it doesn’t mean they’re handling it incorrectly. Everyone’s journey is unique.

6. Can moving on mean forgetting what I’ve lost?

No, moving on doesn’t mean forgetting. It’s about finding peace with the loss and cherishing memories while continuing with life.